Being cut off by friends without explanation. Tyler calls it harder to rationalize than a romantic breakup because we're taught 'friends forever'; it is the episode's most personal enigma, explored through Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki.
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ghosts of griefLeaving without explanation or closure, as Tsukuru's friends do in the Murakami novel. Tamir says it should be a capital sin because of its impact, and both treat it as a form of grief.
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- Ghosted by three close friends
About three years earlier, three of Tyler's nearest and dearest friends cut him off. He was bewildered and feared something about him was 'too much'. What finally smoothed him out was…
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Everybody has a justification. Anger is its own justification.
Everybody has it. Everyone's life makes sense to them. That's the thing.
- Grief is not only about death
We grieve lost friendships, ghostings, divorces, pets and miscarriages (the hopes and dreams planted in a future), not just the dead.
- Everyone thinks they're the victim
In a falling-out, both sides usually believe they are the victim. That is what makes it an enigma, and what makes getting through it without bitterness such a hard skill.
- Friend breakups resist rationalization
Being dropped by friends hurts more bewilderingly than a romantic breakup, because romance is volatile and easy to rationalize, while we're raised on 'friends forever'.
- The simplest answer is usually right
When people vanish from your life, it often isn't because you did something horrific: cutting and running is simply easier for them than having the conversation.