Masculinity is one of the themes that runs through Nectar of Time. Below is everything in the Nectarium that touches on it.
Where it comes up 7
Within this theme 21
Concepts 5
- Fear Disguised as Logic
Ian's claim that much of what men call analytical thinking ('I need to think it over', 'I need all the facts') is fear trying to control reality so it feels safe. Real logic is checking…
- Men's Work
Group and individual inner work for men (retreats, men's groups, mentoring) that Ian facilitates. Its aim is for men to show up for themselves, partners, kids, communities and businesses…
- Devotional offering
Ian's coach's idea: make art and give it to the world without needing recognition, such as stacking inukshuks by the ocean or playing guitar with the windows open.
- Toxic Masculinity
Tamir describes moving away from what some call toxic masculinity: the hardcore mindset of his Ironman and ultramarathon friends, who find it strange that someone else could tell you about…
- Manosphere
The online 'red pill' world that tells men they need material status and a six-pack to be loved; both speakers criticize it for having no heart, no art, and no devotion.
Books 1
- The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are
Watts's 1966 book. Tamir is still reading it and wants Ian to have it, saying the 'taboo against knowing who you are' is literally the work Ian does, since self-inquiry goes against the…
People 4
- Ian Coll
Squamish, BC based entrepreneur, former cinematographer, and men's wellness facilitator who runs men's groups and retreats and uses shadow work to help people overcome lifelong obstacles…
- Dante Alighieri
Tamir points to statues of Dante in Florence as evidence that Italian culture honored poets and artists alongside warriors, a multifaceted ideal of manhood.
- Seneca
Cited as a Stoic whose life was riddled with tragedy (killed by Nero, family deaths) and who wrote consolation letters, including one to his mother from exile.
- David Goggins
Symbol of the hardcore, push-through mentality. Tamir says that mindset is right for getting to the finish line of a run but not for every moment of life.
Quotes 2
The time to be David Goggins is when you're running and you need to get to the finish line. But you don't need to be David Goggins all the time. Sometimes you have to be Seneca the philosopher. Sometimes you have to be the scientist. Sometimes you have to be the poet.
Men claim to be logical thinkers. And I say, you're not a logical thinker. You are crippled by fear and you're disguising it as analytical.
Insights 4
- Greatness includes painting the picture
The poem moves from discovering new land to painting pictures on the walls, showing that greatness spans every archetype, not just conquest; the manosphere's single template reveals a lack…
- Achievement without vision leaves men empty
Men who strive for money and bigger houses without ever pausing to ask what they want their life to feel like often arrive at 40 or 50 feeling empty; the problem is not ambition but the…
- Even the most masculine men made art
Ancestral hunters danced, drummed, and recited poetry around the fire; the artistic, devotional side of masculinity has withered, and modern men have lost touch with their ability to create.
- Hardcore mentality has a time and place
Goggins-style grit is a tool for the finish line, not a personality to live in. A full life asks you to switch between athlete, philosopher, scientist and poet.
Practices 1
- Make devotional offerings of art
Assignment from Ian's coach: find ways to make art and give it to the world without needing recognition, e.g. build inukshuks by the ocean or play guitar with the windows open to fill the…
Stories 3
- Tamir opens up to therapy
Tamir sees a therapist every couple of weeks. His hardcore Ironman and ultramarathon friends find it crazy that someone else could give you answers about yourself. It took him a while to…
- Ian launches his first men's group
After four years in men's groups as a private part of his own growth, Ian felt called this summer to launch his own in Squamish, driven by seeing men struggle in silence with work, money…
- Ian's Tourette's, OCD and collapse
Ian grew up with a 'very dysfunctional nervous system', severe Tourette's and OCD, and a lot of shame. In his mid-twenties his life crumbled, and he realized he had no tools to regulate…
Places 1
- Squamish
Town in British Columbia where Ian is based and runs his men's group; the retreat where Tamir met him was in a valley outside it.