The Gymnasium
Practices
Habits, exercises and techniques you can try yourself. 93 entries.
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- 75 Hard
75-day program: two 45-minute workouts daily (one outdoors), roughly 4 liters of water, 10 pages of a personal-growth book, a strict diet, no alcohol, and a daily progress photo. Ian is on…
A
- Aim a short story in one direction
Workshop advice Grant accepted: in a short story every passage must move forward in one direction; cut what doesn't.
- Ask 'What's in it for you?'
In interviews Colin told candidates exactly what he was after, then asked what they were after, to judge whether they were too ambitious or not ambitious enough. Asking yourself the same…
- Ask what you gain from your suffering
Take a recurring suffering you call unwanted and ask 'the questions nobody wants to ask': what do I stand to receive from this, and why might I be creating it? Finding the answer shows you…
- Ask your dreams a question
Before sleep, describe a problem to your dreamer self in detail ('my problem with my business is this; help me see it another way') and set an intention to receive an answer. Asking…
- Audit your results honestly
Observe your life and reactions to see where you slip up. Then look at your results as objectively as you can and ask how much was you and how much was circumstance and environment. This…
B
- Be a clean mirror
When someone shares grief, reflect it cleanly by listening, observing and asking questions, rather than reacting with shock ('Oh my god, really?') or telling them how they should feel…
- Be honest about desire
Instead of dressing attraction up as 'I love you', say honestly what you want. Sheela says honesty is easy for her because she was raised on it, and asks whether a relationship without…
- Borrow the characters' slow rituals
Adopt the unhurried routines of Murakami's characters: take time to cook, exercise and reflect.
- Build handmade anthologies
How Tyler made Men, Women and Other Adventures for Tamir.
- Build your own pinball practice
Since you can't anticipate wins or losses, design your own daily practice, unique to you, as an operating system for self-transformation.
C
- Change your environment to flourish
Like moving a dying plant into new soil, change your surroundings and influences when they keep you from growing.
- Choose your goodbyes
Actively choose each goodbye ('this I'm choosing, and this too') instead of letting losses happen to you, so grief doesn't go unprocessed.
- Choose your response in the gap
When something sets you off, like being cut off in traffic or pain on a long run, use the moment between stimulus and response to decide calmly how to react.
- Clarify what you're curious about
Before investigating a loss or ghosting, get clear on what you really want: the truth, someone's perspective, or permission to move on, and ask whether you could go on never getting over it.
- Convert friends with short stories
To introduce someone to Murakami, gift a short story collection and point to one specific story instead of a 600-page novel; Tamir finds nine out of ten people actually read it.
- Copy fiction's lessons into a journal
Tyler's habit, which also gives him a way to answer the question of what fiction has taught him.
- Create space to discover what you want
If you don't know what you care about, don't reach for more books: go into nature, walk, remove noise and distraction, and allow yourself to discover what you want to do here and what you…
- Create your own spirituality, don't compare
Don't envy meditators or follow spiritual fashion. Take care of your own responsibilities and the desires you need to fulfill, don't compare yourself to others, and let spiritual people 'be…
D
- Daily No-Agenda Sitting
Set a timer for 35 to 45 minutes daily, with no phone and no agenda, and simply sit (not necessarily meditate), exploring what is happening in your internal experience. Ian sits on a…
- Death and deathbed visualizations
Guided meditations Ian runs with his men's groups: facing death, picturing yourself in the hospital bed in your last moments (who is around you, what they say), and imagining what cards…
- Die complete tonight
Ask each day: what would I need to do today so I could die complete tonight? Orient the arc of the day around those few things. Ian's answer: undivided presence with his wife, time in…
- Die Complete Tonight
Ask yourself: if my head hit the pillow tonight and that was it, what would I need to do today to die complete? Use the answer to cut your priorities down to the one or two things that…
- Dinner without business
To find out what makes an employee tick, take them to dinner and don't talk business at all. Ask about their life, and only at the very end ask about their goals for the year.
- Do it yourself to stay independent
At 76, Sheela does everything she can herself, because it keeps her free and stops her from becoming dependent. She also stays within her physical limits so she doesn't get hurt.
- Don't force the writing
Jot down thoughts whenever they pop up and wait for the real urge or idea rather than forcing a novel; trust the process.
- Dream journaling
Write down your dreams every morning and track recurring symbols (Samantha's included tsunamis, fire, tornadoes, broken glass, car crashes and particular people) as clues to what you truly…
E
- Embodying your shadow
In a group, describe a shadow trait, give it a character's shape, then deliberately become it for about 60 seconds, improv-style; returning to a normal stance afterward leaves you feeling…
- Evaluate your relationship to sleep
If exploring dreams feels like too much, simply ask how you relate to sleep: can you surrender into it, or do you dread the night? Use the answer as a read on how safe you feel.
F
- Face your worst fear in a lucid dream
Following Charlie Morley: once lucid, deliberately create and walk into the scenario you fear most, and let yourself discover you are safe, so the fear trapped in your body is released when…
- Facilitated breathwork with supportive touch
Nev uses breathwork, grounding and body work, with supportive touch given with permission, to lower adrenaline and cortisol and bring clients out of functional freeze before deeper shadow…
- Finish the first draft ruthlessly
Be ruthless with yourself and allow no excuses to give up until the first draft is done. You won't win the marathon, but you can finish it.
- Full, equal freedom for both partners
Don't be possessive and don't set unequal rules. Give both partners full freedom if both want it, schedule time together openly, and end it if jealousy takes over, rather than negotiating…
G
- Get clear on your desire, drop expectations
Sheela's answer when asked for a practice to become more like her: get clear about your own desire, stop expecting things from others, and take whatever comes your way as it is and go…
- Get curious about body signals
When you notice fear or contraction, look up and ask, 'Huh, I wonder what my body is trying to tell me right now', instead of making the feeling a problem. Sometimes the answer is as simple…
- Give the author the benefit of the doubt
When a section displeases you, first ask whether you're failing to understand it before blaming the author.
- Go to an open mic
To get over perfectionism, go to amateur poetry readings or sign up for an open mic, read whatever you can, and listen to others who try and are proud of their efforts.
- Grief Dinner Parties
Mia's first pilot of grief support groups: hosting dinners in her West Point Grey home where people cook, eat and share their innermost pain, because 'we heal in a field of connection' and…
H
- Honor the dead by not fighting the living
When there's no will or the wishes are unclear, the best way to honor someone is not to fight with the people still living, and to ask what they would want for you.
J
- Join a book club outside your taste
Join a book club that picks books you'd never choose yourself, to expose yourself to new ideas; this is how Tamir found Murakami.
- Join a book club to stretch
Tamir joined a book club in 2020 specifically to read fiction he would never pick up on his own.
- Join a book club you don't control
Tamir did this in 2020 to break out of heavy philosophical classics; it led him to Murakami.
K
- Keep tiny promises to yourself
Build self-trust with very small, keepable commitments. If you want to sleep earlier, go to bed just five minutes earlier tonight and prove to yourself you can deliver.
- Keep visuals of your why on the wall
During the grind of his early startup, Tamir put up visuals such as 'Makers of Empire' to remind himself why he was doing what he was doing.
L
- Laugh at your pain
Rather than squeezing pain for all it's worth, look at it and try to laugh at it, to rise above it.
- Let a draft rest a month
After writing something, leave it for a month before editing so you see it with fresh eyes.
- Let feelings come and go
When painful events come, accept them graciously, let thoughts and feelings arrive and leave on their own, and keep love where it belongs, in your heart.
- Letting the Wanting Rest
Like a watched kettle, desire (including the longing to reunite with someone who died) eases when you wish for it and then let the wanting rest for a while, rather than clutching at it.
- List what you won't compromise on
Write down, or just think through, the things you care about and won't compromise on. Being secure in them, such as playing your own album and offering theirs next time, is what makes you…
- Listen before you agree
Let people finish before you agree. Real listening means hearing the whole thought, thinking about it and then responding, not nodding along preemptively.
M
- Make devotional offerings of art
Assignment from Ian's coach: find ways to make art and give it to the world without needing recognition, e.g. build inukshuks by the ocean or play guitar with the windows open to fill the…
- Make the time, even late at night
Like Murakami writing two hours a night at the kitchen table after work, carve out time despite money, circumstances and space.
- Master Key weekly concentration exercises
From Haanel's The Master Key System, as Tamir practiced it at 21.
- Meditation as training for silence
Sit quietly with your eyes closed and stay with your thoughts. Expect to last only a few minutes at first and to feel restless. Treat it as a skill that grows with practice against a…
- Moment-by-moment yoga
Treat everyday frustration as the mat: when resistance arises, close your eyes and say aloud 'I'm in resistance, I'm wanting things to be different than they are, I'm being impatient', then…
- Monthly roommate meetings
Tyler learned this from Roland. As a 'typical Canadian' who says 'it's fine' and then flips out later, he uses it to train the skill of addressing conflict early.
- Murakami's daily routine
Murakami wakes around 4 a.m., writes for several hours, then runs; the rest of the day is unscheduled, and he goes to bed by 8 or 9 p.m.
N
- Naming your shadow
Give your shadow a name (e.g. 'Brad') so when the neediness or compulsion arises you can greet it, 'Hey Brad, I see you', rather than mask the discomfort.
O
- Orient your life around serving
Get clear on the few things you truly care about and commit to the process of serving them (e.g. giving your partner utmost presence regardless of how they respond), rather than to an…
P
- Practice gratitude and letting go
Gratitude and letting go feel dumb or empty at first; practiced repeatedly they become tools available to you.
- Preheat teacups with boiling water
Tyler's on-air tip as the tea cooled.
- Push a yearly personal OS update
Treat the new year like Apple's annual release: make a point of reviewing and upgrading your interpretations, beliefs and filters instead of running old software.
R
- Read a lot, write a lot, find your signature
Logan's main advice to young writers: read far more than you do now, especially literature rather than only games and anime, and write a lot. There are only so many stories, so don't chase…
- Read fiction alongside non-fiction
Keep a hybrid reading diet: pair self-improvement non-fiction with fiction for perspective, reflection and imagination.
- Read the overlooked books
Don't dismiss a book because it has few reviews, no major publisher or writing that isn't to your taste; a human perspective can still offer a gem.
- Read three books at once
Mia always has an audiobook, a paperback or e-reader book, and a library book going, and one is usually fiction. She borrows from libraries to support them.
- Read with the benefit of the doubt
Approach every author with the benefit of the doubt and awe at the effort behind a book; Tamir rarely rates a book below three stars and assumes he may simply not 'get it' yet.
- Reframe pain mid-effort
When a run (or a day) feels terrible, remind yourself that this is what will make the good ones feel good. Stop trying to make bad days good, don't cling to good ones, and allow the full…
- Revisit the books of your youth
Go back to books you loved or disliked when young, to see how you've changed and catch what you missed.
S
- Say 'I don't know'
When you don't know something, such as who Alan Watts is, say so instead of pretending. Colin calls 'I don't know' the three most important words he ever learned.
- Set a dream totem
Pick reality checks that reveal you are dreaming: look for a clock or watch (they don't behave normally in dreams) or notice limited motion, like running without getting anywhere. When you…
- Share short stories instead of books
When recommending fiction, Tamir rarely gives whole books now, because people seldom finish them. He sends a PDF or link to one short story from an author's collection that the person will…
- Sit with the trigger instead of masking
When you notice a shadow pattern (e.g. neediness when a partner is away), name it to yourself and sit with it rather than reaching for a cigarette, your phone, or a book on attachment…
- Social media fast
Delete Instagram from your phone for a weekend or a few days to notice how habitually the brain 'hunts' for it.
- Speak your shame out loud
Bring repressed shame, including sexual shame or trauma, into the open by naming and talking about it: 'giving it a name and a face'. Nev says this alone often dissolves it.
- Start meditating at two minutes
Forget the image of hours in a cave. Start with two minutes, then three, four, five, building like cardio, until ten minutes with your breath is a daily act of self-respect. Parents can…
- Supplement school with self-directed non-fiction
Tamir's view that schools, especially high school, don't teach you to formulate your own ideas.
T
- Take a beginner's class
Join a martial arts or other class where you have no skills, to learn humility and see incremental progress.
- Talk to your younger self
When old anger flares, Mia addresses her teenage self directly ('Mia, I hear you, I get it') and asks who she is really trying to prove herself to.
- Talk to yourself
Reason with yourself out loud or in your head: 'Is that a good thing for you, Colin? Is that guy really a friend?' Colin uses it to check his choices and spot toxic relationships.
- Teach children a new star each night
On summer nights Sheela's father had the family sleep outside in the garden and helped the children find a new star in the sky every day. She remembers it as teaching delivered through love…
- To-stop-doing list
Keep a good-and-bad list. On one side list the things to work on, such as procrastinating or leaving friends' texts unanswered for weeks, which Colin calls disrespectful. On the other, a…
- Train reading like a muscle
If you want to get back into reading, don't start with War and Peace. Start with a short story or novella you can finish in an afternoon or two. Reading is a muscle: students whose eyes…
- Turn curiosity on your convictions
Point curiosity, deliberately and relentlessly, at where you might be wrong, at your own convictions and at other people's. Examine each part of your life and past decisions instead of…
- Turn threats into metaphors
When a person or situation feels menacing, picture it as a Murakami-style metaphor (a small Commendatore in the corner) so you can see it without taking it too seriously.
U
- Use trigger reactivity as a gauge
When triggered in a relationship, notice whether you react and project or stay neutral. Strong reactivity marks an unintegrated shadow to explore. In conflict, reduce the decision to a…
V
- Visit your ancestral homeland
For anyone who wants to know themselves at the root, spend time in the land and culture of your ancestors to understand the patterns, beliefs and shame you inherited. Nev says it isn't…
W
- Walk through the portal, led by curiosity
When a full-body impulse or intuitive knowing points toward the unknown, trust it and go, letting curiosity rather than the absence of fear move you. Tamir adds that you plant the idea and…
- Write a confession no one will see
Write a confession for yourself only, not for an audience or anyone's expectations. Tamir adds that you should list how you have 'metaphorically shot' innocent bystanders through what you…
- Write a thousand words a day
If you have a concrete idea for a novel, write every day. A thousand words is manageable; the first days are rusty, but after a week or ten days it grows to 1,500 and you'll reach the end.
- Write down what you want
Colin's first step toward authenticity for someone with no support around them. Take pen and paper and write down what you want in life and what would make you happy, even something as…
- Write immediately after a strange experience
Tyler wrote his ghost-horse story for three hours straight after losing the tracks, and barely changed it.
- Write your own eulogy
Skip the self-help books, sit for an hour and write what you want people to say about you when you die, then derive what you must do every day to build that legacy, and do it.