Logan asks whether the internet has grafted our masks to our faces. Colin's answer is to stop talking about authenticity and act on it, and to say "I don't know" when you don't.
Where it comes up 12
Within this theme 129
Ideas 36
- The Shadow
Jung's term for the disowned or repressed parts of the psyche, usually formed in childhood when a need wasn't met.
- Remembering Process
Ian describes inner work not as becoming something you're not but as coming back to who you truly are, the self from before conditioning, trauma and stress piled up.
- Self-help as veneer
Tamir argues that people obsessed with self-awareness books, courses and seminars can be more inauthentic than everyone else, because each one adds another veneer and another layer of…
- Sincerity vs Seriousness
Alan Watts's distinction, from his lecture on the court jester, between taking life sincerely and taking it seriously.
- Grifter vs. True Believer
The question behind Troll: does a ranting online personality really believe it, or is he farming engagement? Logan imagined a provocateur who is completely neutral on the issues and uses…
- Self-Help as Gateway to Extremism
In Troll, a 4chan-style forum's ten guidelines begin with genuinely good advice (reject nihilism, persevere, quit porn) before moving to who 'our people' are and who the enemy is. Logan…
- Decimation of Decorum
The loss of respect, care for reputation and shame online, which Tamir calls the decimation of decorum. With news cycles this fast, the scammer assumes 'you'll forget I scammed you next…
- Life as Performance
Goffman's idea that in public we play roles and wear masks, knowing others do the same, and take them off at home. Logan argues the internet amplifies this and removes the backstage, so we…
- Compromising vs adapting
Colin's distinction, from Tamir's car-music story: playing music a passenger likes is adapting, a kind gesture from someone who knows what they're doing. Losing your own preferences to…
- Private Confession
Troll is threaded with Peter Riley's confession. Tamir proposes confession as a practice of honesty that leads to self-absolution. Logan contrasts the performed public apology with the…
- Sad Clown
The trope, and real pattern, of the person who is always 'on' and lights up every room while suffering privately. It comes up through Dazai's clowning and the death of Robin Williams.
- Persona
From the cold-open clip: in classical drama the mask was also a megaphone, and 'persona' is Latin for 'that through which the sound passes'. To discover you are a phony through and through…
- Trope-Driven Writing
Logan's critique of young writers who learned storytelling from video games and anime more than literature, then assemble books from trope checklists and even market them that way. The…
- Uniqueness as a thumbprint of flaws and talents
Tamir's thesis: uniqueness is made of your talents, special skills, and special mistakes and imperfections. Pure talent is boring and pure imperfection doesn't exist. Hiding that thumbprint…
- Armor
The patterned version of yourself, a veil or shield of armor built up over years that you present to the world. Behind it is the real you: daydreams, curiosities, what truly makes you…
- Cutting People Off
Tamir's critique of treating cutting people out of your life as progress. Bypassing the conversation to protect yourself is avoidance, not growth; it's fine to cut someone off after they've…
- Fake It Till You Make It
The habit, common in self-improvement and entrepreneur circles, of performing that everything is going perfectly.
- Kintsugi
The Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics with gold. Tamir's intro uses it as an image of authenticity: imperfections are 'the true hallmarks of beauty' and asymmetry is magical.
- Refraction vs reflection
Tamir's framework for self-knowledge. Friends, who are often just as messed up as you, give you refractions: your situation bent through their filters and biases. What you need is a mirror…
- Triggers
Colin's point that even the calmest, most authentic or most religious people have a trigger that turns them in an instant. Tamir asks whether people who hide their triggers through…
- Canadian Agreeableness
The Canadian habit, as Grant sees it, of piling on agreement and tacit approval, which he finds suspicious and insincere, as in creative writing workshops where only praise is welcome.
- Comedy removes the veil of seriousness
Tamir defines comedy as discussing the serious business while removing the veil of seriousness to see what it really is. It ties to Watts's 'pretentious nonsense' dissolving in laughter and…
- Hustle Culture
The grind ethos (no sleep, no days off, sell, sell) that Tamir says has infected entrepreneurship. He supports deep dedication to a craft you truly choose, but not because someone told you…
- Influencers
Colin says today's culture celebrates influencers who have 'absolutely no weight' beyond how to get more Botox, while people like Newton aren't talked about. They are his example of fame…
- Mental Ponzi scheme
Tamir's phrase, which Colin adopts, for hierarchies in religion, philosophy and self-awareness groups. Climbing them means hitting more checklists and keeping up more appearances, so the…
- Preemptive agreement
One of Tamir's pet peeves: people agreeing with a statement before it's finished, a kind of tacit approval that shows they aren't listening. You don't know whether the sentence will end in…
- Resolve as the ultimate test
Tamir holds that the ultimate test of any model of self-improvement is resolve in the real world: in sales you find out very quickly whether a book you read actually makes a difference.
- Age of imitators
Tamir's description of today's culture: copying influencers and collecting their 'artifacts' in the hope of becoming them. He contrasts it with Sheela's insistence that she never imitated…
- Car crash perspective
Colin pictures two people on different corners seeing the same car crash from different angles. The same reality looks different depending on where you stand, which he says is both a good…
- Integrity
The reason Sheela gives for leaving Bhagwan. Her job was to protect him, his community and his teachings, and when he went against that she could no longer do it. She says her integrity was…
- NPC
A non-playing character. Tamir uses it for people who hide their uniqueness and never make an impact on anyone.
- Verbal diarrhea people
Colin's sales slang ('VD people') for those who talk endlessly and never act. His test is the old line that you judge a tree by the fruit it bears.
- Chinese whispers
The children's telephone game, where a message changes as it passes around a circle. Colin uses it to explain how religious texts written decades or centuries after the fact drifted from…
- Facts vs feelings
Colin's complaint that public debate is driven by people's feelings, often on behalf of others who aren't upset, rather than facts. Tamir adds that feelings don't magically become hard…
- People pleasing
Tamir groups it with validation-seeking and approval-seeking as the opposite of authenticity: calibrating your words to suit the other person until only a mask comes out.
- Realism vs Pessimism
Tamir reframes Grant's 'pessimism' as realism: piercing facades and showing what is, when people prefer the truth with a mask on top.
Books 11
- Troll
Logan's 2023 novel about Peter Riley, an aspiring actor who becomes the online provocateur and cult leader 'Petrol'. It's written as short, dated fragments (forum posts, lectures…
- If—
Rudyard Kipling's poem, which Tamir quotes in four episodes, most often its lines on meeting Triumph and Disaster and treating those two impostors just the same.
- Slaughterhouse-Five
Kurt Vonnegut's anti-war novel, whose protagonist lives through the firebombing of Dresden.
- This Is It
Alan Watts's essay collection 'This Is It and Other Essays on Zen and Spiritual Experience'. Tamir reads its preface aloud: it argues that the spiritual can't be separated from the…
- No Longer Human
Osamu Dazai's quasi-memoir about a man who clowns, drinks and ends in a double suicide. Tamir likes it and returns to it as a portrait of a man whose only authentic feeling is misery.
- The Flowers of Buffoonery
Dazai's novella about a young man recovering in a seaside sanatorium after a failed double suicide. Written before No Longer Human, it works as its sequel.
- Galápagos
Vonnegut novel Tamir brought to the recording as one of his favorites. He offers it as an example of Vonnegut's flawed, hubristic characters, the kind of imperfection that makes people…
- Invictus
Poem whose closing lines ('I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul') Tamir quotes as one of the 'sources of truth' Sheela embodies.
- The Sirens of Titan
Vonnegut novel Tamir brought to the recording alongside Galápagos, both among his favorites. It illustrates characters so flawed they seem almost alien.
- Masks (poem)
Short poem (from Falling Up) about two people with blue skin who each hide it, search their whole lives for another blue person, and pass right by each other. It is used to show what we…
- The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life
Goffman's 1956 book on the dramaturgical view of social life. Logan refers to it as the 'infamous book back in the '50s' about life as performance and masks. He does not name the title.
People 20
- Tamir Barzilai
Host of the Nectar of Time podcast and founder of a software company; he runs the Vancouver studio where the show is recorded. A Murakami devotee, he came back to fiction through a…
- Colin Gerrard
UK-born entrepreneur who built companies and led sales teams around the world (Belgium, the UK, sourcing in China). He also directed the award-winning short film 'Eli', made the earlier…
- Ma Anand Sheela
Born Sheela Ambalal Patel in Gujarat, India (1949); personal secretary to Osho and spokesperson of the Rajneeshpuram commune in Oregon in the early 1980s, widely seen as its…
- Alan Watts
British-American philosopher who popularized Eastern thought in the West. He is one of the show's most quoted voices, and archival clips of him open several episodes.
- Kurt Vonnegut
American novelist (1922-2007), author of Slaughterhouse-Five and Galápagos. Tamir calls him the embodiment of authenticity.
- Logan Macnair
Criminology professor at Douglas College and Simon Fraser University in Vancouver who researches radicalization, terrorism, extremism and extremist media strategy; author of the novel Troll…
- Franz Kafka
Writer known for the absurd, whom Tyler credits with teaching him to see the black humor in darkness.
- Dwayne Johnson
Colin points to him as someone with a trigger who still rolls with the joke. On Ellen, Kevin Hart teased him and he shot back a punchline instead of losing it. Colin also loves his movie…
- Osamu Dazai
Japanese novelist, author of No Longer Human and The Flowers of Buffoonery. Tamir keeps returning to his portrait of 'clowning', self-mockery worn as a mask.
- Erving Goffman
Canadian-American sociologist. Logan cites his 1950s argument that public life is a performance in which everyone wears masks and follows a script until they get home, and then asks what…
- Coffeezilla
Tamir's favorite chronicler of YouTuber grifts. He targets the reckless more than the outright criminal, often crypto scams, and insists recklessness is still wrong.
- Elizabeth Holmes
Colin calls her the antithesis of authenticity: she went around telling everyone how authentic she was, everyone believed in her, and she ended up with an 11-year prison sentence. Tamir…
- Milo Yiannopoulos
Tamir sees him as the purest troll. He was one of the people Logan studied while writing Troll: an articulate, self-described provocateur 'playing the heel' who wanted to be the target of…
- Robin Williams
Logan's real-life example of the sad clown: always high-energy around people, a 'well-spring of joy', but a fairly sad man behind closed doors, which is why his death shocked people.
- UK TikTok mobility coach
Unnamed man on TikTok in the UK who helps children with cerebral palsy or brain injuries take a couple of steps. He uses swearing, no-kid-gloves encouragement, and makes them feel that two…
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
20th-century sage whose parable of the devil and the dropped truth Tamir tells to illustrate how organizing truth into religion and dogma obscures it.
- Peloton cycling instructor
An exercise instructor on bikes, whose name Colin doesn't know. He finds her more genuinely motivating than motivational speakers because she isn't hyping people up; she's visibly working…
- Shel Silverstein
Logan answered the Kafka quote with Silverstein's poem 'Masks'. Tamir reads it on air.
- Vladimir Putin
For Colin, Putin sitting at one end of a long table with his generals at the far end to project omnipotence is 'pretentious nonsense'.
- Bernie Madoff
The archetypal full grifter. Tamir contrasts him with the far more common 'half-grifts' of YouTube.
Quotes 6
To discover that you are a phony through and through and through is to discover that you're a big act, that you're a game. And when you discover that, then you wake up to find out who's the player.
The three most important words I ever learned was 'I don't know.'
So people say I love you, I love you. Better, more honest would be to say: hey, come, we roll together on this carpet. 'Cause it's different. It's not the same thing.
Have those masks become grafted to our face in such a way where removing them is not as easy as it used to be in a pre-connected world?
The truer confession, the one you're talking about, is maybe the one that nobody sees. It's the one that you're writing for yourself.
The biggest problem is most legends are built on lies. It's somebody's fantasy of themselves that they promulgate.
Insights 26
- Ask 'What about me?'
Relationships and lives fall apart, sometimes ending in divorce ten years later, when people forget to ask 'what about me?' Asking what you yourself want is the start of being real.
- Actions speak louder than words
Your authenticity as a human being lies in what you do, not what you say. Colin thinks this old truth matters more now than at any time in history.
- Borrowed wisdom as a battery
Classical quotes work as batteries that power whatever idea they are plugged into. Influencers must then cross a line to set themselves apart from the thousands of others quoting Marcus…
- Clarity about when to leave keeps love from suffering
Sheela says her love never turned dark because, when the time came, she was clear it was time to go and left without looking back. That clarity gave her strength instead of leading her…
- Fake it long enough and you pay
Clowning yourself for others from a place of pain, rather than natural humor, eventually reaches a precipice where something gives. Dazai's novella and the sad-clown pattern show the bill…
- Responsibility for what we share
People cut ties over polarizing posts during wars and elections. If you later realize you no longer believe what you posted, you may have lost friends for nothing, so sharing takes work and…
- Self-help has no performance indicator
Self-help tells you you're getting better while giving you nothing measurable to track. Believing you're improving is not the same as improving, and resolve in the real world, such as sales…
- Self-improvement hierarchies breed sophisticated fakes
The higher you climb any belief system's checklist hierarchy, the more you need to keep up appearances, so those at the top are often the most out of touch with who they are. It works like…
- Suppressing a trigger isn't the same as not having one
People who seem to have no triggers may just be disciplined at not retaliating. They might earn social merit, but if they feel the same thing inside and hide it, it's partly inauthentic.
- The highest influence doesn't proselytize
Alan Watts never tried to convert anyone; he stated things as they are and let people be enchanted. Being secure enough not to care whether someone converts is the pinnacle of influence.
- Tough love beats fake love
Honest, unvarnished encouragement does more than gentle pretense. It can make someone feel that taking two steps is incredible, and sometimes the smallest achievements are the greatest.
- Unanimous agreement is suspicious
A culture where everyone piles on agreement hides honest disapproval; growth as an artist requires welcoming criticism, even when it hurts the ego.
- Visions gotten from outside are a problem
'Makers of Empire' starts with vision lying within the soul; if you're getting your visions exogenously, from the culture, that's a problem.
- Your flaws can be harnessed
Not every idiosyncrasy you think is bad is bad. Admit and accept parts of your character you always knew about, and you may be able to harness them to become a better person for yourself.
- Authentic complainers are more likeable than optimizers
Tamir would rather have a friend who is authentic and speaks from the heart but isn't on a track to success than someone optimizing every area of life, who may 'recalibrate around you' and…
- Sacrifice for your craft, not theirs
Being great at something does require intense sacrifice, but only make it for a craft you truly want, not because someone told you to grind. Have an honest conversation with yourself about…
- Scandals wash away faster now
Bad PR used to follow you for years. As news cycles keep speeding up, scandals fade within days, which removes much of the reputational cost that once kept people honest.
- The mask can be mistaken for the self
Kids who grow up online are sometimes taught that the mask they wear is their authentic self. When those lines blur, the result is the widespread confusion about identity and belonging we…
- The rest of the world never heard of your guru
People caught inside a self-help group forget that the whole world outside is succeeding without ever hearing of their technique, book or leader, using the simple things a parent, boss or…
- You can leave someone without falling out of love
Sheela insists she never 'got the ick' with Bhagwan. She left because staying would have cost her integrity, not because her love ended. In her view, love and leaving are not opposites when…
- Your own character is the best influence
Asked which book, film or person shaped her outside Osho's teachings, Sheela names only 'my own character': she did her thing and never imitated. Tamir contrasts this with an age of…
- Openness creates higher-fidelity conversations
Not hiding anything, even something as small as admitting to Botox when asked, builds trust and makes conversations higher fidelity. In sales too, connecting with people means openness, not…
- Optimize without lying to yourself
Routines and self-optimization are good, even critical. The problem starts when you lie to yourself and others that everything goes perfectly every day; truth beats fake-it-till-you-make-it.
- Some masks are a service
A deliberately chosen mask that does no net harm and benefits you and others has its place, like a doctor's bedside manner or a pilot who doesn't joke about crashing. The danger starts when…
- Success is common sense
Success comes down to two words, common sense. It gets drowned out by the voices of people who hurt you or by authority figures, not by any lack of books.
- Tradition makes us call desire love
Sheela observes that when two people are attracted, 'love' suddenly appears because tradition, religion and culture only permit sex in its name. She would rather people be honest about…
Practices 6
- Write down what you want
Colin's first step toward authenticity for someone with no support around them. Take pen and paper and write down what you want in life and what would make you happy, even something as…
- Create your own spirituality, don't compare
Don't envy meditators or follow spiritual fashion. Take care of your own responsibilities and the desires you need to fulfill, don't compare yourself to others, and let spiritual people 'be…
- List what you won't compromise on
Write down, or just think through, the things you care about and won't compromise on. Being secure in them, such as playing your own album and offering theirs next time, is what makes you…
- Say 'I don't know'
When you don't know something, such as who Alan Watts is, say so instead of pretending. Colin calls 'I don't know' the three most important words he ever learned.
- Write a confession no one will see
Write a confession for yourself only, not for an audience or anyone's expectations. Tamir adds that you should list how you have 'metaphorically shot' innocent bystanders through what you…
- Be honest about desire
Instead of dressing attraction up as 'I love you', say honestly what you want. Sheela says honesty is easy for her because she was raised on it, and asks whether a relationship without…
Stories 19
- Learning to talk to himself
As he gets older, Colin is admitting things about his character that he always knew but never owned, and he is accepting and even embracing them. He has started talking to himself and…
- SAS soldiers wearing American flags
Colin recounts an interview with a Navy SEAL who, as a newcomer, saw British SAS soldiers in the chow line wearing American flags. Asked why, they said, 'You've got to blame it on somebody…
- Gym influencer in London
At a London gym a man filming his muscles yelled at Colin for walking past his camera. Colin told him the gym is for everybody and he should film at home. Colin reads it as people feeling…
- Ian's Gollum shadow at a retreat
A year and a half earlier Ian noticed a grasping, needy energy with clients (over-following-up, feeling owed). At a retreat he traced it to an unmet childhood need, shaped it into a…
- Leaving Bhagwan with tears in her eyes
When Sheela decided to leave Bhagwan, members of her commune 'family' begged her to stay, reminding her of everything she had and all the work she had put in. Tears ran down her face as she…
- Million-dollar number one single
Colin overheard two men at Soho House in Los Angeles: 'Give me a million bucks, I'll give you a number one single.' He thinks they're right and that the music industry is about money, which…
- Motivating people by knowing them
Colin says daily 'sell, sell, sell' meetings are the worst thing you can do, because you don't know what motivates each person. Some of his staff did brilliantly after he screamed at them…
- Car music on dates
In his twenties Tamir always switched the car music to whatever the woman he was driving liked. An article made him ask why he was bending over backwards, and whether she might want to know…
- Isaac's ironed shirt
A young employee who always had the worst luck came to work one day in a crisp, ironed shirt and tie. When Colin, his boss, complimented him, he snapped, 'I didn't do it for you, did I?'…
- Making a famous person out of nothing
For the film 'I Know You', Colin's team invented a character, walked him through the streets of Italy and made him famous, and were amazed by what they got away with. The idea came from a…
- The London Drugs confession booth
Tamir found a gag mini confession booth at London Drugs, with curtains and seats. Press the button, it says 'tell me your sins', then 'you are forgiven'. Its booklet on confessing got him…
- Blindfolded Rubik's Cube kid
Noticing a Rubik's Cube in Tamir's studio, Colin recalls a kid in London who solves the cube blindfolded after studying it for about 30 seconds. Colin didn't ask about his background, only…
- Boxing gym with no steroids
Colin boxed as a young man in London. The man who ran his gym banned anyone on juice or steroids because they were there for vanity, not health, and told them to go to Playboy magazine…
- Everything is negotiable
At an entrepreneur wellness meetup in Squamish, everyone shared morning routines and 'non-negotiables': river dips, runs, special drinks. When his turn came, Tamir said 'everything is…
- Krishnamurti: the devil and the truth
Tamir retells Krishnamurti's parable: the devil drops the truth from his pocket and a passerby picks it up. His companion asks if he's worried; the devil says no, 'he's going to organize…
- Packaging costlier than the product
When Colin sourced products in China, some ended up with packaging that cost more than the product itself. He says nice curtains are fine, but with no structure behind them you're building…
- Too honest in creative writing class
In university workshops where everyone must start with what they liked, Grant has clashed with teachers and students by calling work weak, cliché-ridden, 'awful' or 'immature', words…
- Irish American
Colin is puzzled by Americans who call themselves 'Irish American' without being born in Ireland. He reads it as people looking for something to make them feel a bit more authentic and…
- The fake rocket scientist
At a motivational event the speaker claimed he had once been a rocket scientist, and the crowd was in awe. Colin looked him up and found he was 'so full of crap'. His lesson: the people…
Films, music and art 3
- Seinfeld
Larry David's sitcom.
- Eli
Colin's award-winning short film, based on a Holocaust survivor he met. As a boy in Hungary in the summer of 1944 the man was separated from his mother and little brother at Mengele's…
- I Know You
A film Colin made almost ten years ago. They invented a character, walked him through the streets of Italy and made him famous out of nothing, to show how little substance fame needs. The…
Characters 1
- Peter Riley
Protagonist of Troll, known online as 'Petrol' (inflammatory fuel with 'troll' inside it). He is terrified of an ordinary nine-to-five life and stays neutral on the issues, farming outrage…
Organizations and movements 1
- Theranos
Elizabeth Holmes's blood-testing company, which was built on fabricated claims. Cited as fake authenticity that fooled investors.